A
collection of Prince
of Darkness
jokes.
(courtesy
of Paul Mossberg, New Jersey Replicar Club)
The
Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."
Lucas
denies having invented darkness. But they still claim "sudden,
unexpected darkness."
Lucas--inventor
of the first intermittent wiper.
Lucas--inventor
of the self-dimming headlamp.
The
three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other
three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.
The
original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric products.
"I've
had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced any
prob...
If
Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.
Did
you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank.
It's
not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal
Ohm's Law. They withdrew their efforts when they met too much
resistance.
Did
you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover
and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another
at night, since they all look the same?" "He replied,
it doesn't matter which one you use, nothing happens!"
Back
in the '70s Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began
manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered
which didn't suck.
Quality
Assurance phoned and advised the Engineering guy that they had
trouble with his design shorting out. So he made the wires longer.
Why
do the English drink warm beer? Lucas makes the refrigerators.
Alexander
Graham Bell invented the Telephone.
Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb.
Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.
Recommended
procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: check
the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times
sunwise around your car chanting: "Oh mighty Prince of Darkness
protect your unworthy servant."
Lucas
systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.
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