The Washington Post annually publishes a contest for readers in which they are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. The following were some of the winning entries in this year's contest:

• coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon
   
• flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained
   
• abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach
   
• esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk
   
• willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
   
• negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie
   
• lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp
   
• gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash
   
• flatulence (n.), the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller
   
• balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline
   
• testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam
   
• rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you
   
• oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions
   
• circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts
   
• frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there
   
• pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist

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