Washington Post reader contest 2004
reader submissions published by The Washington Post

The Washington Post annually publishes a contest for readers in which they are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. The following were some of the winning entries in this year's contest:

  • coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon
  • flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained
  • abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach
  • esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk
  • willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
  • negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie
  • lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp
  • gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash
  • flatulence (n.), the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller
  • balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline
  • testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam
  • rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you
  • oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions
  • circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts
  • frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there
  • pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist

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