Nigerian Scam reply letter

—Recognizing and Replying To Nigerian email con artists—

The typical Nigerian ‘one-letter-fits-all’ scam email will inquire about “your item for sale” rather than any reference to a Cobra or a GT40 or any motorcar. If there are any motorcar-type questions, they will also be generic in nature: “Have you changed your oil regularly?” or perhaps “Is the paint in good order?” And even though your ad includes a dozen or so photos, the inquiry will typically include something boneheaded, such as “Can you send me some pictures?”

And despite where the con artist claims to be located [typically France, Belgium, Germany, Austria, Italy, Israel, or even from an oil rig in The Gulf of Mexico or “off the coast of Venezuela”], the email none-the-less is most commonly sent from an Internet café in Nigeria or across the border in Benin. The name he uses will invariably sound comfortably “western” : Eric… Robert… Glenn… John… even ‘Jacques’ or ‘Hans’ or ‘Ralf.’ His email address will invariably sport a Gmail or hotmail or yahoo suffix, to cloak his email’s country of origin.

The fun begins here: down below is my tongue-in-cheek (and satirically effective) “Stock reply to Nigerian con artists” for you to copy/paste and personalize… just replace the red text as appropriate… and then deploy to your li’l heart’s desire.

Trust me: reply with this letter and it’s a safe bet that you’ll never hear from that pesky Nigerian flimflammer ever again…
   

  
  

  

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below: Curt’s ‘Stock Reply to Nigerian con artists’
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Dear (Ralf… or whatever):  

I am delighted that you wish to purchase my Cobra! You will experience years of adrenaline rushes (not to speak of bullrushes ), racing this drivin’ machine through the jungles and rainforests and savannas and mud plains of your native country!

You will probably want to install some special equipment: big/knobby offroad tires (tyres) and mud flaps, a mosquito net (in place of the tonneau cover), and replace the sidepipes with pontoons. You can get all this stuff at Suleyman’s Outback Outfitters and Discount Dope Dealers in downtown Lagos.

In the meantime, I have a proposal for you, since as someone seeking to purchase a 427 Cobra you must be yearning for visceral thrills and excitement: Do you have a crocodile-teeming river or lake in your vicinity? If so, here’s a hot tip (between pals like you and me) for a cheap thrill: Go down to the water’s edge, strip naked and plunge into the water and swim out as far as you can; then splash around for a few moments and let the fun and eviscerable excitement begin!

And Ralf, since we’re kindred spirits—almost bosom buddies—what’s your REAL name?

Very sincerely,

(signed)

*****

Sidewinder Tip: you can instantly find/return to this Nigerian email con artist reply letter by just using Sidewinder. For example, type  <scam> or <Nigerian> or even <friggin’ alligator> into the ‘Sidewinder’ search box.

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